Klutz or not.

A klutz or not a klutz… that is the question.

A series of drabbles in 100 words by Tels
Jacob~Selmak a klutz? Discuss. But I don’t think this is quite what Helena meant on the Carmen yahoo group ;)

Jacob: I am not a klutz, how dare she say that
Sel: Yes you are ... its only the 6th April and I have had to heal you 7001 times already
Jacob: A little exaggeration there????
Sel: Ok 6597... My point is HRM is right. You are a klutz
Jacob: No I'm not
Sel: Yes you are
Jacob: Oh no I'm not
Sel: Oh yes you are. What is this pantomime??
Jacob: No. And I am not
Sel: Are
Jacob: Not
Sel: Are too
Malek: Maybe Jacob is a little accident prone
Sel: I knew it!… Jacob IS a Klutz!

Why don’t they respect me now I’m dead? I mean it’s not a lot to ask really considering what I did for them is it? I save the galaxy from the replicators. The SGC from Reetou. And get no respect?? Pah!
Incidentally out of the 25 episodes I did, I was only hurt in 11. That’s only 44%.
And how many times has Danny died? Once a year isn’t it??
So final word. No I am Not a klutz, a little distracted by the constant loud, piercing and female yakking in my head that’s all. It’s Selmak’s fault – not mine!

“I am not going to stand for that! Did you see what he called me!” Outraged Selmak knocked Jacob out and left for Earth. On reaching Earth she headed straight for New York where she stopped at the house of someone she knew - her pal Squirrel.
She wrote a quick note for Jacob and tattooed it onto the back of his eyelids so he’d see it when he woke and then left his body for the nearest warm one she could find.
Contentedly she curled up on top of the bookshelf and started to purr. It’s a cat’s life.

Jacob woke slowly and realised there was a message tattooed across his eyelids. He had to read it twice. Then he was not happy. He opened his eyes and looked round the unfamiliar apartment. “Selmak!” he growled.
From above the fridge the cat opened its eyes and looked at him. It hissed.
Recognising the hiss Jacob glared at it. “Come here now!” he yelled. “How do I explain this to the council?”
The cat merely meowed and licked itself.
Jacob sighed and pulled out his zat. “Okay Selmak we’ll do this the hard way… but you are coming with me.”

Jacob fired the zat, the cat jumped off the fridge landing nimbly on all fours and charging between Jacob’s legs tripping him up. He fell into one of the many bookcases sending books and papers clashing to the floor. He chased the cat all over the empty apartment, knocking things over as the cat continually tripped him up. She hissed at him the entire time and he could almost swear he heard Selmak yelling at him. Finally he lunged for the cat grabbing hold of it. Covered in scratches he lay triumphant on the floor hands tightly round its neck.

“Okay Selmak… you leave the cat and you come with me,” he said using his now or else voice.
Selmak looked at him and meowed.
“Don’t you come the innocent with me! This mess is your fault! You tripped me up. You are the klutz not me.”
The cat looked at him with big green eyes and meowed. Then in one swift movement Selmak jumped from the cat back into Jacob. “Sorry,” she purred. “Want me to make it better?”
He glowered silently his eyes taking in the mess the apartment was in.
Selmak nodded slowly. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Shoving the shout of triumph to one side for a moment, Jacob let Selmak assume control and clear up the mess she had made. Then she petted the cat for a while before leaving NY and heading home. For some reason she kept losing her balance. And the scratches she’d inflicted on Jacob took longer to heal than normal. She kept talking to him but for some reason that just made it harder to concentrate. Could the list be wrong? She wondered. Could it be her that was the klutz and not Jacob? Maybe it really was her after all.

Jacob didn’t say anything as Selmak ran through his memories. She listed his injures before they blended and those he’d received afterwards and had to conclude that those he’d received afterwards had all been either when she was fore or when he was acting on her advice or when she’d distracted him. So it was her fault.
She tapped out a quick email to her fan grrls at the yahoo group explaining this and hoping they would continue to love and adore both her and her host. Even though it was HER who was the KLUTZ and Not her host.

Fin

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