Title : Time like an ever rolling stream
Author : Tels
Fandom : Stargate SG1
Characters : Jacob/Selmak
Rating : PG13/R
Word count : hours 389, days 446, weeks 391, months 394, years 326
Prompt : #6 Hours, #7 Days #8 weeks. #9 Months, #10 Years
Summary : How hell affected Jacob over a period of time.
Notes : 5 individual fics, one continuing story, one link to save space lol. Plot bunny from Starshadow.
Time like an ever rolling stream
By Tels
Hours
Jacob wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd been captured. All he was aware of was the pain. Hours of pain and torment. He tried to protect Selmak as much as he could and refused to let her take control no matter how much she begged. Sokar wanted information. The location of the Tok'ra home world, the location of the base he'd been sent from but he wasn't going to get it. Not from them. He'd been tortured before and never broken. The information would never come from him. He had refused to cry out in pain as the painstick came into contact with his bare skin. He would not show weakness.
He hung from the chains, his head low. His skin glistened with the sweat that was running in rivulets down his back and chest. The heat was oppressive and he was so thirsty. ~ How long? ~ he asked.
~ Hours ~ Selmak whispered. ~ It's been 27 hours. Please Jacob let me fore now. You can't take much more of this .~
~ No ~ he replied. ~ Let me do this for you please .~
The door opened and Jacob pulled himself upright as Bynarr came back into the room. Bynarr grinned at the man and flicked the whip in his hand. “Had enough yet Shol'va?” he asked.
Jacob looked at him steeling himself for what he knew was to come. Bynarr's whippings were well known throughout Netu. ~ Protect yourself Sel ~ he whispered. ~ Don't worry about me .~
The whip lashed out catching Jacob's back. Jacob screamed involuntarily, the cries jerked from his body with every lash of the whip. The pain continued, red hot pain which filled his entire being until he finally fell into the dark relief of unconsciousness.
He came round several hours later. His back was agony and he knew without Selmak having to tell him it was blood running free now not sweat. ~ Sel? ~ There was no answer. ~ Selmak?? ~
Finally a faint response. ~Jacob… I'm sorry…~ Then nothing. He closed his eyes. He'd always known he'd die alone, but to die alone and silent was more than he could bear.
He rested as much as he could between torture sessions. His thoughts turned towards home, to his family both on Earth and in the tunnels. So when he heard her voice he thought he was dreaming or already dead.
Days
Jacob lay in the healing chambers on Malek's base, his eyes closed. He wasn't sleeping, just didn't want to deal with everything going on around him. He didn't want to talk to anyone, let alone Elise who kept on and on at him to talk about things. Martouf had insisted he be treated here rather than the SGC due to the injuries Selmak had sustained. Sam had argued against but only half heartedly. She didn't want anything to happen to Selmak or her father.
Jacob talked to Selmak even though there was no longer a response. Her life signs were still very weak. He'd overheard Elise talking to Malek and knew she wasn't sure if she would ever recover fully. What they had told him however was that with time, both he and Selmak would make a full recovery and that she would start to respond again to him soon. Within a day or two Elise had said but that had been days ago. ~ Sel please ~ Jacob tried again. ~ Sel it's been days now, please talk to me . ~ There was still nothing and he sighed. His eyes closed shut tight against the tears that threatened to break through.
Malek watched him worriedly. It had been seven days now and there should be some improvement in both of them.
“Is there still no response from Selmak?” came a voice.
Malek turned and nodded to Martouf as he came across. “Unfortunately there is not. I am afraid for him.”
“You think he will give up if Selmak does not recover?”
Malek nodded slowly. “He blames himself. If he had not fallen, they would not have been captured and Selmak would not have been injured so.”
“He should not. He saved Selmak by refusing to let her fore the whole time they were captured.”
Malek looked at him. “Selmak is dying Martouf and unless we can find a way to prevent it, I fear Jacob will die with her.”
Two days later Sam arrived at the base to collect Jacob. Malek filled her in and she sat shocked by her father's side for a while. He looked worse now than he did when they first got to Netu if that were possible. She slid her hand into his. “Hey Dad,” she said willing him to look at her.
Jacob opened his eyes and looked at her sadly.
Sam recognised the look in his eyes from the one in hers after Jolinar died. She smiled. “How are you doing?”
“Alone,” he whispered.
Sam hugged him. “I know Dad,” she told him. She sat there holding him for a while. “Did you still want to go somewhere cold?” she asked him.
Weeks
The snow lay thickly on the ground and Jacob tried to dodge another onslaught of snowballs. Hysterical laughter echoed across the still crisp air as he didn't move fast enough. “Grandad's snowy,” Jen giggled in a singsong voice.
Mark laughed as he came outside. “He certainly is. And Mom says its time to wash up for dinner.”
“YAY!” both children chorused and ran inside.
Mark watched as his father slowly straightened. He seemed to have aged a lot since they'd seen him three months ago. Sam had made vague references to a mission gone wrong but would say no more. “Are you okay Dad?” he asked.
Jacob nodded. “Yeah. I'll come inside in a few; it's nice just to be cold for once.” He leaned against the rail of the cabin and closed his eyes.
Mark watched him for a moment and then went inside.
Jacob took a deep breath. He liked the cold. It beat the stifling heat of Netu any day. He just wished things were different. He wanted Selmak to experience this. To play snowballs and make snow angels and just to do something that didn't involve pain. But she wasn't there. Tears ran slowly down his face, freezing as they fell. He didn't realise it was getting dark as he just stood there. “Selmak,” he whispered. He fell to his knees and sobbed.
Sam who'd been worried when he hadn't come in once darkness fell went running over to him. It had been three weeks now since they arrived here and no one had heard from Selmak. “Dad?” she said dropping to her knees in the snow beside him. She didn't get a response, so she just held him tightly silently being there for him.
Selmak woke slowly, wondering why she was cold. Then she reached out for her host as she always did upon waking. She wasn't expecting such a flood of emotions to fill her. ~ Jacob? ~
Jacob hugged her tightly. ~ I thought you'd gone ~ he sobbed. ~ I failed you I am sorry…. I tried so hard to protect you but they gave me something, gave you something… Elise couldn't get rid of it ~ Jacob's tears fell harder and he made no effort to get up or move.
Selmak did a quick check and resolved to speak to Elise as soon as they were back. ~ But we made it ~ she said hugging him again. ~ We went into hell and out the other side and not many people do that .~
Finally as his sobs slowed Sam looked at him. “Dad… is everything okay?” she asked gently.
He looked at her. “Selmak's awake,” he said. “She's tired but she's okay.”
Months
Malek wasn't surprised to see Jacob pounding the tunnels late at night again. For the past few months his friend had been unable to sleep for more than two hours at a time and would spend most of the night running round and round and round until he collapsed. Neither he nor Selmak were recovered yet and Elise was reluctant to send them back out into the field. To be honest he and Jared had reservations too. “Jacob,” he said getting in the way of his friend.
Jacob stopped running and rested his hands on his knees breathing heavily. “Malek… sure you don't want to join me?”
“Maybe another night… I have a stack of reports to file tonight. And then I plan on sleeping. Or Jared does.”
“And you?”
Malek looked at him. “I still get nightmares,” he said honestly. “I can stop Jared from having them but my own are less easy to block.”
Jacob looked down. “It's not just the nightmares,” he said. “Malek it's been six months now and I can't even drink without remembering and getting flashbacks.” He paused. “And it's the silliest things that set them off. Tearing paper or just the sound of someone screaming…”
Malek nodded. “It does take time.”
Jacob scoffed. “Time, right. Heals everything … I can't eat or sleep or anything. What I need is to get back out there…”
Malek looked at him. “What you need is to talk.”
Jacob nodded. “I know,”
It was another two months before he finally sat with Elise and talked, really talked about what had happened. He wanted Malek in as well, knowing that neither of them would judge nor say anything.
Selmak spoke too, finally speaking aloud her fears and mentioned for the first time about the drugs that she had been given.
Elise ran a series of scans and Jacob could tell by her facial reaction that it was not good news. She gave them the news in as honest a way as she could.
Jacob tried to keep in how he felt at the news. It wasn't an immediate effect the drug had, more a slowing down on them both. Healing times would be increased and he'd find it harder to do things as time went on.
Selmak hugged him. ~ But we have each other and will do for many months to come ~
Years
Jacob sat on the hillside overlooking the falls where he had proposed to Alison. He had come here to think. He was on his way to San Diego to spend the weekend with Mark. It had been almost four years since Netu and he knew know without a doubt that Selmak was dying.
~ Let me leave you ~ she whispered.
He shook his head. ~ No Sel… your place is here with me .~
~ But if I die then you will too… please I can't be responsible for your death .~
Jacob hugged her, his eyes glistening. ~ Sel you won't be. This is my decision. I don't want to sit and watch you die in some tank on the base. We have been through too much the last seven years for me to abandon you now .~
Selmak shook slightly. ~ We have… far too much for me to let you die. Jacob you should have had 200 years with me, not just seven. ~
~ And we had seven great years. I saw things I never thought I would, did things I never imagined. And we fought the good fight and won .~
Selmak nodded. ~ We did .~
~ Sel… I don't want you to go. No one deserves to die alone and you least of all. You are my friend, my soul mate and I want to be there and hold you. And if it means I die too, well I should have died seven years ago. You were there for me then and I will be there for you now .~
She hugged him. ~ Thank you .~ She knew she didn't have long left and hadn't wanted to be alone any more than she wanted him to die with her. But then they had faced death before on numerous occasions. It was just this time it was a fight they were going to lose.
~ Not lose Sel. We are going to look Death in the face and laugh and go boldly on the next great adventure .~
Fin
© Tels Aug 2006.