CATEGORY: Angst, Drama
SPOILERS: None
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNING: Character Death
SUMMARY: How do you put a lifetimes worth of love into a few hours?
DISCLAIMER: The characters aren't mine. They all belong to MGM. I just borrowed them for a short while.
WRITTEN BY: Telsia~Cha'ris
Butterfly Kisses
The day started like any other. Jacob had a council meeting first thing which dragged. Fortunately Selmak was chairing that one so while he did that, Jacob took the opportunity to snooze and plan his speech for the weekend. He was still in two minds about it but he seemed like a nice enough guy and thought the world of her. Married, his little girl was getting married. It didn't seem five minutes since she was a baby.
The cry spilt the still air in the hot room. “It's a girl,” the doctor beamed. “Congratulations!”
Jacob hugged his wife and kissed her. “You did it.”
She smiled back at him. “Thank you.” She took the baby and they poured over her, counting fingers and toes.
He couldn't believe the amount of love that filled him for this tiny bundle. He held her in his arms and swore to protect her from whatever life threw at her. She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Hello Sammie,” he said, stroking her cheek. “You are beautiful, Daddy's gorgeous girl.”
--- --- --- ---
Jacob sat in the chair, the council members droning on, Selmak trying to keep the peace and be the voice of reason – not that anyone was listening. He was due to leave tomorrow, but what was the betting something would crop up and he would be late meeting Sam. Even though she was grown up she was still his little girl. He didn't spend nearly enough time with her as it was. Something always cropped up – a mission for her or for him.
He settled back in his chair when suddenly a voice echoed through his mind, sending a shiver down his spine. ‘Daaaaaaaadddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyy!'
<Whoa! What was that?> he asked Selmak.
<I do not know> came the reply. <It sounded like Sam but she does not have that capability.>
Jacob shivered, suddenly feeling very cold and very alone but not knowing why.
--- --- ---
“Daddy look what I built!”
Jacob turned. “What Sammie?”
“It's a tooter tower. Lots of them.” She sat there a broad grin on her face, so pleased with herself.
He kept his face impassive. His briefcase lay open on the floor and the disks he had had in there were now out of their boxes and being used as roofs for her many brick towers.
She looked at him, desperate for approval.
He choked back his annoyance. “They are lovely Sammie. What say we put them away now and go make dinner?”
“Don't you like them?” her face fell.
He swung her into his arms giving her one of the special butterfly kisses they kept only for each other. “I love them. They are great hon, but Mom will be in soon and we need to get dinner on.”
“Okay.”
--- ---- --- ---
Suddenly two Tok'ra rushed into the council chambers. Garshaw stopped speaking and looked at them. “What is the meaning of this?”
“Apologies Garshaw. We have just received a communiqué from the Tau'ri. They have requested Selmak's presence at once.”
“It is not convenient. Tell them to wait until tomorrow.”
Jacob took control back from Selmak and raised his hand to cut her off. “Did they say why?”
“No. General Hammond sent the message. He said it was urgent and concerned your daughter.”
The blood drained from Jacob's face. He looked at Garshaw. “I have to go.”
“Go.”
--- --- --- --- ---
“I don't want to go,” the small voice said. “I want to stay here with you.”
He hunkered down next to her. “Sammie you have to go.”
Tears poured down her face. “But I want to stay with you. Please Daddy, don't make me go.”
Seeing his little girl in tears brought tears to his eyes. “Sammie it's not for long. I'll pick you up after school I promise.”
She put her arms round his neck. “Daddy don't cry. I can be brave if you are.” She leaned into him and gave him a butterfly kiss. “Love you Daddy.”
--- --- --- ---
“Unscheduled Off world Activation!” the voice called. Immediately defence teams sprung into action. General Hammond walked from his office to the control room. Chevron Guy looked at him. “It's the Tok'ra.”
“Open the iris.”
The iris spun open and the blue light of the open gate filled the gate room.
Hammond made his way down there, standing quietly at the end of the ramp. Jacob came through the gate and almost ran down the ramp. “George. What's up – you said it was urgent.” He looked round for Sam but she wasn't there. “Is Sam on a mission?”
Hammond sighed and put a hand on Jacob's arm. “Not exactly. I'll fill you in on the way.”
Jacob looked at him. “Tell me now,” he insisted.
“There was some trouble on P5X-841. Sam was injured, she's in the infirmary.”
Jacob paled and would have staggered backwards if Selmak hadn't taken steps to prevent it. “How bad?” he managed.
“I won't lie to you. She's in pretty bad shape.”
In the infirmary Daniel sat next to the still, heavily bandaged figure on the bed. The life support machine beeped quietly in the background. Tubes and drips ran into and out of her body. Teal'c stood watch in the corner and Jack sat slumped at the end of the bed.
All three men stood as Jacob and Hammond came in. Jacob crossed straight to the bed. His face mirrored the shock and horror he felt as he saw his only daughter lying on the bed. “Sam?”
“She can't hear you,” Fraiser said quietly. “She's pretty much out of it.”
Jacob turned on Jack. “What happened?” he said angrily. “You were meant to protect her!”
“We were ambushed. She was dialling us out. The jaffa came from nowhere. There was nothing I could do.”
Fraiser broke in. “She has a staff blast to her chest and abdomen. As well as several broken ribs.” She listed Sam's other injuries, Jacob listening as if in a dream.
She inclined her head and the others left the room, moving to the observation room. They watched in silence as Frasier spoke quietly to Jacob, her hand on his arm. Jacob listened in shock as she explained that Sam was too badly injured and there was nothing she could do, it was a matter of hours now.
Jacob staggered backwards, his hands over his face. Nooooooooooooo! “There must be something. I could try the healing device, maybe that ….”
Fraiser shook her head. “It wouldn't work, the damage is too great.” She paused. “I'm so sorry,” she finished. She left the room, leaving Jacob alone with Sam.
Jacob pulled the chair as close to the bed as he could. Gripping Sam's hand he felt the tears prick his eyes. “Sam? Sammie can you hear me?” There was no answer but he wasn't really expecting one. He ran his hand through her short blonde hair. This couldn't be happening.
--- --- ------ ---
“Daddy you're back!”
The voice made him turn. “Hey Sammie! I said I'd be here. Not every day my baby has a birthday and turns six now is it?” He swung her into his arms.
Sam snuggled into his neck. “Special kiss,” she said and gave him a butterfly kiss.
He gave her one right back. “Ready for your birthday treat?”
“Yes please. What is it?”
He took her hand and led her out to the car. Ten minutes later they arrived at the stables. She looked at him, her eyes full of love and excitement. “A pony ride?”
--- --- --- ---
The memory made him smile through the tears. She had loved the ride. Terrified at first, she made him walk beside the pony but as her confidence grew she did it alone. He looked down at her. She was so independent. Always wanting to spread her wings and fly alone.
--- --- --- --- ---
“No! Dad I am sixteen, stop treating me like I am six!”
Jacob looked at his daughter. She thought she knew everything. “Sam 2am is too late to be out on your own.”
“No one else is being picked up by their Dad's. You'll make me look silly!”
“It's not debateable young lady. Either I pick you up after the party or you don't go at all.”
Sam stormed out and slammed the door behind her. Jacob listened to her run up the stairs and slam her bedroom door. His eyes fell on a picture taken of her on her sixth birthday on the back on the pony. How simple it was then. No longer ribbons and curls, but makeup and parties. He gave her a few minutes then went up the stairs.
He knocked on the door. “Sam?”
“Go away!”
“Sam please.” He waited then spoke through the door. “Sam. I love you and I don't want you to get hurt. I'll take all your girl friends home too.”
“No! You spoil everything. Just leave me alone!”
--- --- --- ---
He had left her too it. She had gone to the party and he had turned up anyway, to find her pinned up against the wall by a young lad who had had far too much to drink. He had dealt with the kid in question then driven Sam home. He had run her a bath, taken her word that nothing had happened and held her as she had cried. Her butterfly kisses unintentional but there none the less.
The machine beeped, the oxygen hissed. His daughter was slipping away and there was nothing he could do about it. He sat there, holding her hand, keeping watch, lost in his memories.
--- --- --- ---
One of the problems of this line of work he reminded himself as he flew up the path is never being around. Duty shifts over run or he got called off base or posted somewhere at a minutes notice. The hall was in darkness, the performance started. He made his way to his seat, apologising as he trod on toes.
His wife smiled at him, gripping his hand. “You're late,” she hissed.
“Sorry, but I am here now.”
A Christmas tree twinkled at the edge of the stage as the nativity play unfolded. Seven year old Sammie sat by the manger, the doll cradled in her arms. You could have heard a pin drop as she suddenly, totally unscripted decided that the baby was crying and started singing Little Jesus sweetly sleep as she rocked it.
--- --- --- ----
Jacob rubbed his eyes as Fraiser came back in. She smiled at him. “How are you doing?” she asked. She picked up Sam's wrist checking it against the readouts.
“Ok,” Jacob said slowly. “How's Sam?”
“No change.” She looked at him. “You should take a break. You have been here for six hours.”
Jacob shook his head. “I want to be here when she wakes.”
“Jacob – you need ….”
“Selmak can keep me going for several days. I am not leaving.”
“Well at least let me get you something to drink. Tea and a sandwich?”
--- --- --- ---
The kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it. Flour everywhere, piles of very dirty dishes and a horrendous burning smell. “What happened?” he demanded.
“Daddy,” Sam turned. “I was trying to make dinner.”
“We have someone to do that for a reason Sam.” He pulled his jacket off. “Out the way.” He grabbed the cloth off her and started to scrub the oven top clean.
Sam stood there, her bottom lip quivering. “It's your birthday. I wanted to do your favourite dinner.”
Jacob turned round, his anger abating. “Sam hon, come here.” He held out his arms. She clung to him, her tears soaking his shirt. “I'm sorry Daddy.”
“It's okay hon. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted like that. It's hard trying to be both parents at times.”
Sam sobbed against him. “I was only trying to help.”
“I know. How about we both do it?”
She looked up at him and smiled. “Really? I can help you?”
“Yeah really,” he replied.
She smiled and gave him one of her special kisses.
--- --- --- ---
Jacob squeezed her hand. “Sam. Please Sam open you eyes hon.” He looked up at the ceiling before returning his gaze to her face. “You don't want to miss Saturday now. You spent ages planning it. I must admit I wasn't looking forward to it but it's what you wanted. My little girl – all grown up. I am so proud of you Sam and what you have achieved.”
He broke off. “Sam you can't leave me. Call it selfish if you like but I need you. A parent shouldn't have to outlive their children.” He looked up as Daniel came in and sat next to him. “How are you doing?”
Daniel looked at him, lost. “I don't know. You?”
Jacob shrugged.
Sam's eyes flickered and opened. “Dad?”
“Hey Sam.”
“Dad, it hurts,” she whispered.
Jacob leaned over the bed and kissed her. Sam turned her head slightly gasping in pain to give him a butterfly kiss. “Love you,” she whispered.
“I love you Sam,” he said.
Sam gasped and her body stiffened. The monitors beeped wildly bringing Fraiser running in, the rest of SG1 close behind her. She pushed the others away demanding room to work.
Jacob watched in a blur as Fraiser tired desperately to revive Sam. In the end she looked at him. “I'm sorry,” she said.
Jacob felt a knife pierce his soul. “No! Sam!” He moved to the bed and pulled his daughters lifeless body into his arms; tears running freely down his face and into her hair.
--- --- --- ---
“Daddy! Daddy!”
Jacob quickly ran down the path to the part of the garden the cries were coming from. “Sammie?”
“Daddy it hurts,” she sobbed.
Jacob reached her. He glanced down and saw her leg bent awkwardly beneath her, the blood trickling from the cuts on her arms. “What happened?”
“I fell off the swing,” she sobbed.
Jacob gathered her in his arms. “It's ok. Daddy's here. Nothing we can't mend.”
--- --- --- ---
He sat with Sam in his arms, his tears soaking her hair. “I'm sorry I couldn't fix it this time.”
A hand touched his arm. “Jacob?”
He looked up. “Time to let her go,” Hammond told his friend.
Jacob nodded and kissed her for one last time. Butterfly kisses for his special girl.
--- --- --- ---
As he opened the bedroom door Sam sat up expectantly. “Read me a story Daddy?”
“Sure.” He curled up next to her and read her the cat in the hat. Then she climbed onto his lap for the usual night time routine of hugs and kisses. She rubbed her face against his.
--- --- --- ---
The funeral took place the following week. Mark and his wife were there, as well as many of Sam's colleagues. Jacob felt uncomfortable in his Air Force uniform. Jack gave the eulogy, and Hammond gave a speech too. Jacob struggled with the lump in his throat the whole way through. He placed a rose and small card on the coffin. “Bye Sam.” He turned away; his heart breaking with in him.
--- --- --- ---
He looked across the table at her. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
Sam nodded. “I love him Dad. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”
Jacob nodded. “Then I would be honoured to give you away.”
Sam threw her arms around him. “Thank you.” She moved her head closer, giving him one of the kisses she saved only for him.
Jacob shot Daniel a stern look over her shoulder. “And you had better take good care of her.”
“I intend to.”
--- --- --- ---
Jacob and Daniel stood in Sam's apartment. It was quiet and empty. Boxes stood half packed ready for the move into Daniel's place. Jacob moved into her bedroom. Her wedding dress hung on the front of the wardrobe. His eyes filled again as he touched the ivory bridal gown – all lace and satin. Her head dress and veil hung there too. White flowers for her hair and diamonds on the veil.
He took a deep breath, picturing her in it, full of life and love for her husband to be. He would never walk her up the aisle, give her away to the man who loved her; baby sit her children.
--- --- --- ---
“Higher Daddy!” she cried. “I want to touch the sky.”
Jacob smiled and pushed the swing higher. Sam laughed as she flew through the air, her hair streaming behind her. Her laughter echoed through the garden and into the present.
--- --- --- ---
Daniel stood beside Jacob. “You know as long as we remember her, she is never really gone.”
Jacob looked at him. “Yeah, a lifetime of memories.”
They left the apartment having boxed up everything that was left to prove she was here.
Two days later Jacob returned to the Tok'ra. The pain still present and a gaping hole in his life but he had a lifetime of memories to fall back on. Memories of hugs and butterfly kisses.
“There's two things I know for sure: she was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl … Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right. To deserve your love every morning and butterfly kisses –I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is. I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.” Bob Carlise
© Telsia~Cha'ris
Nov 5 th 2003
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